Hello Loves! As I was working on my discussion for Day 2 of our Bible Journaling with Deb series for October, I found myself going totally off-topic. But why? Well, on both the 1st. and 2nd. days the verses talk about God commanding us to follow His laws. Which for whatever reason it got me to thinking about my Faith, and how I’ve butted heads with God many times over. Not only thinking but I was sharing what I was thinking. So I am pretty sure it was His way of saying I needed to share it now and not another day like I keep saying to myself. Anyways. . .
I shared this story on my other blog, that was hacked and stolen. It wasn’t until the other day when I realized I hadn’t reshared it here on Faith Crafts and Coffee. But it’s something I just didn’t feel like rewriting, only because it’s lengthy. It appears God has a different plan for me an had me sharing it in another article, which was totally off-topic. Before I get started I want to warn you this is a lengthy article, you’ll want to grab some coffee and a snack. It’s going to entertain you for sure though. I mean who butts head with God anyways? Probably more people than you think.
So, let’s start at the beginning, shall we? I didn’t grow up in a Christianly home, actually completely the opposite. Honestly, I can’t say that I ever heard my parents talk about God. But my grandmother (my mom’s mom) was strong in her faith. I believe she was a Baptist.
My aunt also went to Church, and I can’t remember her denomination. With that said, when I got the chance I’d go with them. Actually I’d go with anyone that would have taken me.
There’s a memory of getting on a bus that would take us to Sunday school. But it’s just a memory. This is how I got any type of Faith-related anything until I was 12 – 13. When I visited my cousin in Melbourne she would read the Bible every night. I started reading it too. But I never understood what I was reading. I just read because she was reading.
Finally, I find a little faith, but it doesn’t last.
At 14 I met a family of Catholics, they were my parent’s landlords. They eventually all became good friends and I started going to Church with them. I loved it! I loved being a part of something bigger than the 4 walls of my room. Sadly, though I can’t remember today most of the lessons taught in Mass. I wasn’t baptized, but I do remember praying Hail Mary, and other little things. It started off with a bang and ended up fizzled out like a sparkler until I was no longer going to Chruch.
This was also when I first started butting heads with God. So many bad things were happening to me, and they were being handed down to me by people that were supposed to protect me. Not knowing any better, I blamed God and any of the faith I had picked up along the way went out the window.
The head butting continues . . .
It wasn’t until I was about 30 that I started going to a Christ Lutheran Church and I was finally Baptized. As an adult in charge of her own life, I could go to Church as much as I wanted. Heck, at the time my then in-laws were very deep within the Church. So I had the support of family to explore God closer. But I didn’t. I also didn’t learn much during that phase of my faith either. Honestly, yes I am about to say this out loud. I don’t think I really understood being baptized then either. Of course, I understand it more now and would probably appreciate it more now too.
and the story goes on . .
But anyway every time I found myself exposed to any sort of Faith it never stuck. It never grabbed a hold of me. And I continued to believe God was cruel, that He only helped those worthy, and that He only cared about people that got Him. I also questioned Him a lot too! I was one of those people that said, oh I believe there is a God but never got to know Him.
Then something else would happen and I’d blame Him, that head butting lasted sadly 21 years. I cry now thinking of all the wasted years. Can you imagine the type of relationship I’d have with God after 21 years of learning about Him? So sad. . . If I only knew then what I know now. I will pause here and continue in Part 2.
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Many Blessings my new friend