My Faith Part 2 – more headbutting with God

My Faith Part 2 - FeaturedImage

Welcome to My Faith Part 2! If you haven’t read My Faith Part 1 please head over to read it now. You’ll understand this next phase in my story much more. Let’s refresh where we left off in part 1. It had been 21 years since I had any type of Faith in my life.

My Faith Part 2 - Pink Bible- Pink War Binder - Jesus Calling Devotional

My Faith Part 2

During the 21-year time frame from when I last sought after God, and to the moment I realized I was absolutely lost a lot happened. I divorced, then found the love of my life, but was so lost I almost gave up on him. Honestly, it was his strong determination and his love that kept us moving forward. It was probably around 2015 when I hit rock bottom.

I was at the lowest point of my life. Nothing I did or for that matter anything anyone else did could make me happy. Oh, I’d be happy at first then it would wear off like yesterday’s make-up. I had everything I could possibly need, and the hubby was giving me almost everything I wanted. But I was still unhappy, and never content.

There was this overwhelming guilt that hung over me like a rain cloud. I’d question why my hubby loved me, why he provided for me and was he doing it because he pitied me. A bunch of shenanigans I know. But then I didn’t know, then I believed the way I was feeling was real and that I wasn’t really loved, etc.

There were days of extreme sadness, days where I’d find happiness in binging on sweets. Days that the only thing that kept me alive was the thought of how much hurt I’d be leaving those that loved me. But for the most part, no one knew, maybe the hubby but I think he thought it was hormones. I felt doomed and I didn’t know what to do.

My Faith Part 2 – I finally knew what I needed.

Fast forward to July 2018 and we were getting ready to visit family in PA. I had to put on my fake happiness costume for a couple of weeks. So I pulled myself together and pushed forward. It was the days we stayed with my hubby’s sister that I realized what was missing in my life. But first, let me set the scene. Just because we were on vacay, didn’t mean everyone else was.

That said, my sister-in-law continued to do your normally daily tasks. Getting up, walking on treadmill, walking around the kitchen drinking coffee while her Bible and devotional laid out on the counter. I know now it was a bible and devotional, but at the time I was clueless. Anyways she did this daily the whole time we were there.

Me being me I never asked her questions, I didn’t want to get in the way of her heading off to work. So for a week, I’d see her do this daily. About mid-week I was sitting at the table while she was busy eating, drinking coffee and reading her Bible, still quiet and not asking questions when she darts upstairs because she’s late.

Ah… that was God’s doing I know it! Since I was too afraid to bother her, He gave me the opportunity to find Him in His way. After she was gone for a little bit I stood to put my cup in the sink. As I was walking by her books I finally saw what they were. A pretty pink bible, a pink devotional called Jesus Calling. It was at that moment it hit me! My saving grace would be God. To be continued in My Faith Part 3.

My Faith Part 2 – Final Thoughts

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Many Blessings my new friend
~ Deb

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