I hope that you’re finding some inspiration, and comfort in My Faith Series. This is My Faith Part 3 if you haven’t read part 1 or part 2 you might want to so you understand what this part is about. Recap from part 2 – So I am standing there snooping at my sister-in-law’s books, which happen to be laying in plain sight.
When I finally realized what was missing in my life. and I knew that God would be my saving grace. He would keep me grounded, content and teach me how to be happy again. How did I know He would be all this to me? I am not sure, but I actually ordered my Bible, Jesus Calling devotional and I started looking up Faith planners right then.
The Journey Begins
I was so excited to get home and get started on my journey back too, closer to God. After settling in and getting back to normal I made some cute little bible tabs and started my studying. I kept it simple at first, doing only a daily Jesus Calling study and then looking up the suggested verses.
But that lasted 2 weeks. At which I found myself needing to know more, exploding with joy, excitement, and desire to be closer to God right then and there. The more I spent in His Word, the more I had to know. After spending a few days searching online about good Bible studies for beginners I decided to go with Living the Psalms by Charles Swindoll. And so the obsession began.
After finishing Living the Psalms I stumbled upon Fervent. But before I started it I noticed War Room and decided to start it first. Oh, my word! War Room is a life changer, an eye-opener, and it pushed me into wanting to get to know God even more. Seriously at this point, I believe my need to know more was pretty close to an addiction. Long story short, I did War Room the book, study book, and the movie. Then Fervent, a War Binder, a war room and begging for my own Miss Clara. Below is a picture of one of my War Binders. It doesn’t look as pink in the photo as pink as it is in real life. But this became a part of my lifeline and went everywhere with me.
My Faith Part 3 – wait slow down there
I got hooked on Priscilla Shirrer I love her studies, her attitude and the way she explains things. A jump ahead and I’ve done several Bible Studies, I’ve filled many notebooks and filled my War Binder and replaced the inserts 3 times. That’s a lot trust me. At that point, I had also taken notes in 4 different Bibles. I am creating Bibles for my Children/Grand Children to have after I am up in Heaven with God. My hopes are they will read my notes to them and want to learn more about God.
My Faith Part 3 – and the story goes on
I was learning so much about God, His Word and the ways He intended us to live. My prayers were becoming powerful, my thoughts on the verses were more mature, and I started feeling content, calm, and relaxed. I’d pray and something and I’d get His answer. I’d seek His help and He lead me down the path He wanted me.
Bet you’re thinking wow, God is really good to her and indeed He is. But something was still missing. I cried several days out to God asking Him to help me, tell me. show me what I needed to do. I prayed and spoke very openly about what I felt. Honestly, there was no point in trying to candy-coat it. He already knows before we even create the words to speak it.
I was struggling with why I didn’t feel as close to God as I should be. One of the things I prayed about was that I grew in my Faith, so would the closeness I felt with Him. I mean at this point I should be feeling like I was holding His hand every second of the day.
So, I got angry again but this time I didn’t accuse Him of being cruel, or all those things I mentioned before. Oh, no my friends this time I took all the blame. I blamed myself for waiting so long to seek Him. Even though I knew that my sins were forgiven, I blamed them too. I even went as far as saying to myself that I just wasn’t good enough and never would be. There are written prayers with some of these shenanigans in them.
Once again I butt heads with God, but this time he pushed back hard.
I continued my studies even with this lonely feeling lurking at my back. Throughout the verses I’ve studied, several times I see the words,
command, and surrender. Here’s where it gets sticky for me.
We are friends, right? Well speaking to you as friends I want to share a little tidbit about me. I am stubborn, not only with everyday life but even with God. HA! I know, little ole me taking on someone that with a brush of His hand I could be sitting in a pile of mud that fell from a cloud. It’s pretty funny now as I write it.
Trust me I have butted heads with God so many times throughout my life I lost count. It wasn’t until a year ago in August 2018. that I finally gave in. . . Well, I thought I had . . . but apparently not completely.
You see I looked for God, found Him, asked and He gave, prayed and He answered, cried and He turned on the light. But there was still one thing I’ve been begging for since that day in August 2018. That was to feel His closeness, to KNOW without a doubt He’s there with me. I don’t understand why that’s so important to me, but it is.
We have an amazing powerful loving God, he loves us so much He gave up His only son for us. – John 3:16 I know all this and believe it. But I also battle with feeling that I am good enough, that I desire His love, etc. So in another pit of despair on September 5th, 2019 I buttheads with Him again. But this time He’ butted back.
My Faith Part 3 – When God pushes back
He pushed back hard that day and made me see something I always knew but never knew. You get that right? So let me paint the picture. I had just finished a verse study and basically crying out to God with the things I mentioned above.
Just as I am finishing up, I stand and see my Battle Plan for Prayer book laying there. To this day I know it was God slapping me in the face and telling me “look you, silly woman, this is why I haven’t granted you the one thing you desire”.
Anyways I pick up the book and turn straight to page 228 which is Appendix 3 – Labeled The Gospel. Briefly let me explain what these few pages talk about. It talks of how we are created for God’s glory, then it goes into sins, and death, and how God showed us He loves as stated in John 3:16. I am skimming through it all and skipping past things I already know. I mean why would God be pointing to things I clearly know.
Then in the middle of page 229 something caught my eye. Which talks about giving us all salvation for free. But we need to repent and turn away from our sins. Then it says the one thing I know I struggle with. There it was! He was holding back from me because I was holding back from Him.
My Faith Part 3 – Lessoned Learned.
So right there in black and white are the words. By Surrendering your life to His lordship and control, you can have forgiveness and freely receive everlasting life. I already know at this point what God had wanted me to see, but I read on anyway.
The next page talks about how many people have found peace in surrendering to God, and how it has to be our choice. Then it quotes Romans 10:9 which reads: “if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved”. There is also a little prayer written for those that haven’t surrender and want too.
Well that afternoon of Sept 5th, 2019 I found myself in tears, finally fully giving into God. I didn’t realize until then that although I had been doing all the right things, I still hadn’t fully committed. In the image below you can see the prayer, and the page I created in my Faith Planner/War Binder.
My Faith Part 3 – Final Thoughts
There you have it my friends the cold heart truth of how I found God. I have learned so much in a year’s time, and regret that I wasted so much time. It makes me sad to think about it.
Maybe because of the time I lost I was pushing myself too hard at first, I still push myself and find myself in a million things at once. It feels like I am playing catch-up when I know I don’t need too.
I hope you’re inspired to seek God if you haven’t, to surrender, and to pray always. Learn from the most stubborn woman alive, He’s got you. He’ll show you where to find the answers all you have to do is ask.
Feel free to share my story with your friends. You might want to follow also me on Pinterest, Instagram, and Facebook I share a lot of stuff on them too. If you like Bible Journaling I’d like to invite you to join my Bible Journaling with Deb event.
Thanks for reading My Faith Part 3, sorry for my long-winded writing.